With the news saturated with LeBron James and the 2010 NBA free agent class parading themselves around to willing teams like hookers searching for their next trick, the newest free agent on the market is walking away with $750 million dollars in her little Swedish bikini. Elin Nordegren, reportedly, will receive the sum in her divorce settlement from Tiger Woods. The settlement requires Nordegren to not say anything about Woods' personal life to any kind of media outlet. So, no books, no movies and no Oprah. Some are calling it "hush money", to which the Tiger Woods camp disagrees, "We like to call it Shut the F*ck up money", one Woods associate said. Woods' attorney, Al Schister is confident that they will be able to recoup some of the payment by default, saying, "Mr. Woods has assured me that Ms. Nordegren has NEVER been able to keep he mouth shut before. So, we're hopefully optimistic". The divorce decree also states that Tiger is prohibited from introducing their children to any women unless Woods plans on marrying that particular woman. This stipulation is what Nordegren's attorney calls "The Whore Shield". We contacted a few of Tiger's "whores" to see what they thought of the settlement and "The Whore Shield", among other things, and the overwhelming response we we received was that most women believed Tiger was "a lot less attractive" now that he wasn't married and is now $750 million dollars poorer. That, I'm sure, doesn't bother Woods who is sure to find someone willing to complete his foursome on a lonley night or shag his balls at a weekend tournament.
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