The Satellite of Love: How the Cookie Crumbles

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Sunday, January 31, 2010

How the Cookie Crumbles

Cookie Monster was arrested today and charged with the January 19th killing of his 2 University of Florida roommates. Gainesville Police had been in search of Cookie Monster since he disappeared after that murderous night in an apartment just off campus. He was spotted Saturday afternoon running towards a group of Girl Scouts in front of a Blockbuster Video store in south Gainesville and apprehended. Police have pieced together a case against Cookie Monster from eye witness accounts and forensic evidence from the scene. One student, who said he was at the apartment that night said, "we were just sitting around smoking a couple of bowls ya know, eating some chips and stuff. T-Bone went into the cocina and grabbed some cookies. I think they were like uh Chips Ahoy or something man. Next thing you know Cookie pulls out a gun and says "U" is for, "you better share those cookies or I'll blow your head off mutherf*cker". Another party-goer said, "we all knew Cookie was a total freeloader and we were sick of sharing all our swag with him. He didn't have a job and never went to class, hell he didn't even know the whole alphabet. He always stopped at "C". We caught up with Cookie Monster as he was escorted up the courthouse steps in shackles. His only response to our question of "did you do it Cookie?" was, "Me want a lawyer, Me do nothing, Me innocent!" Cookie Monster is set to be arraigned Monday morning.

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