No Child Left Behind

Well, it seems that elementary students in Encino, CA will not be eating brussel sprouts at lunch anymore. Outraged by what they called "a government intrusion on lunch", a group of kindergartners wielding knives brutally took over the school cafeteria. The group, led by Soon Li "Makenzie" Wong, first protested the fact that they were "forced to eat what the government wanted them to eat" by a petition last month. But when their petition was "lost" and their demands fell on deaf ears, they took manners into their own hands. Taking most of the kitchen staff hostage for more than 13 hours they demanded pudding and when the school did not produce the desired pudding in a timely manner the blood began to flow. Children of all grades cheered as limb after limb of 6 lunch ladies were thrown into the crowd. The murdering spree only ended because the children ran out of hostages. Being only 5 years old and staying up past their bedtimes really threw a wrench in their plans. All 8 of the children were taken into custody and later released when it was found that all of the slain cafeteria workers were illegal immigrants. One parent said, "We didn't need those wets here anyway" and then screamed "Pudding for everyone!"